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My bleeding eye

I have just gone through an unpleasant medical phenomenon resulting from old age. NO one ever warned me about this one. .it was in fact a torn retina leading to a wash of blood creating rather interesting patterns in my field of vision.
Like all things in life it has been an experience full of teachings.
First off I thought my eye had exploded due to the crap it has to look at just to stay abreast of the news today. My sick joke has been the Trump made my eye bleed. I never thought that my end years would offer this truly despicable view of humans with all their greed and hatred paraded proudly. And yet my friends it really has.
Today alone has seen a Bill in paliament to charge people for the NHS, Trump suggesting that black football players should be deported for kneeling in protest at the death of so many black people at the hands of the police, ICE removing children from their parents and then LOSING them by the thousands…it goes on and on and none of it is good and all of it points to the takeover of the world by a group of people whose belief in their superiority and the placing of money above all else, or as I prefer to call it the genocide of the poor and the commodification of everything and everyone else, is the driving force of the political and economic agenda.
IT made my eye bleed.

There is hope in this tale though. As a result of said medical occurrence happening while I am visiting in the UK I had to use the national health service. This is partly a tale of love.
I was referred to the A and E department of Moorfield Eye Hospital. I was warned that the waiting time would be up to four hours, and it was. What it afforded me was plenty of time to observe…the staff, the patients, the ethnic distribution etc etc. So here is what I saw and experienced.
The first person I dealt with at the desk began by telling me not to worry that they would make sure I was ok. My situation ironically had to do with not being a resident in the Uk as I live in Spain but am a British citizen. I was repeatedly assured that no matter what happened I would not be expected to pay for emergency service no matter what status was decided. And so I began my wait. I was seen quite quickly by the triage nurse and then referred to another nurse to have my eyes tested. After this I had to wait again for my eyes to be dilated followed by a long wait until I was finally seen by the doctor. All in all I was there for four hours so I had a good chance to observe. And this is what I saw.
All the staff I saw from the cleaners to the doctor and all in between were what we now call immigrants or people of colour. They were Indian, Philipino, Spanish, Portuguese, Polish, Jamaican, Pakistani etc etc. They were all to a very high degree wonderful. They were helpful, answered questions, helped old ladies get tea, all while rushed off their feet and trying to cope with a large group of patients who came and went. I must have seen about 200 patients pass through at a minimum. In those numbers throughout the day there was one family of perhaps Somalis and a mother and daughter speaking Spanish. They were the only incidents of any foreign language being spoken. The patients were for the most part white and British with a sprinkling of black and British and Pakistani and British, but far and away predominantly white. This is not what we are led to believe. Note please this hospital is huge and in north London so I was expecting a tide of immigrants. Ironically I was the only one not immediately eligible for treatment due to my residency abroad.
But most of all what I observed was compassion and humanity which is good because I had begun to think these things just don’t exist anymore.
The staff were literally running around and still managed to have a kind word and a smile. I was asked several times if I needed anything. There were regular apologies for the long wait. This is not the fault of the staff. This is not even the fault of the NHS. This is the fault of underfunding.
I live in Spain and will say that the health service there is superb. Quite likely I wouldn’t have had to wait so long to be seen and again I would not have paid. But that does not in any way denigrate the treatment I received here. It was wonderful and after some laser work I seem to be fairly well mended with my vision intact if altered by the addition of new squiggly floaters.

I would compare this with the treatment I saw in the USA while dealing with my aged parents. Mostly they were treated fine but always with a motive to sell. The optician suggested my father get laser surgery for his eyes so he needn’t wear glasses…he was 92 and never left the house but they played on his vanity and remembrance of lost youth and were actually quite irate when I said NO WAY. The same when the dentist the same year tried to convince him to get implants where he had lost back teeth. They made it sound as if it were necessary. It wasn’t. When I queried the ethics of this I was told it was a capitalist system and they needed to make money.

One doctor was dealing with my mother after a very serious stroke. She was in a rehab unit because she couldn’t swallow and was being fed intravenously. When her doctor arrived he didn’t know anything about her case and had prescribed for another condition which I spotted. I changed doctors and later that day received a call from the sacked doctor screaming abuse at me and implying that I had no right to change doctor. He threatened me with legal action for depriving him of a paying client. Not long after this I got a call from the home to tell me that her insurance had reached its cap and they could no longer care for her and that she would be waiting outside with her case for me to collect her. And she was.

And so back to the NHS…ok the wait was long but it wasn’t that much quicker in the USA for emergency treatment and not once did I feel threatened with bankruptcy. I never felt like a commodity or a number, I was treated respectfully and cheerfully by staff underpaid and overworked and unwanted in this country.

Thank you NHS and please UK stop trying to follow the American model of profit and death.


Melting snowflake

Apparently my desire for humanity and fairness in the world labels me a snowflake. 

And yes, today I feel like I am melting. I am 70 and was born in the USA. I was there for the race riots, the anti segregation marches, the move to provide equality for people of all colour, race or religion. I thought the world would grow and change and people would realise how we are more alike than different. I was young and idealistic. 

I lived in a world of expansion. I travelled without fear, I worked at various jobs, I was a woman who could find a measure of freedom…things were definitely going to get better.

But they haven’t. America is now at levels of racism that I no longer thought possible. It seems that Trump has tapped a deep hidden stream of hatred and fear and brought it to the surface. People of colour are not safe in America. They are shot before they speak and blamed before they act. If you are poor it is bad but that doesn’t seem to be the criterion. The things I have read about jumped up uppity blacks who dare to be better educated than some whites has left me feeling a despair for the human race.

It is not just America either…as a child I could not understand how the holocaust happened, how ordinary people would allow such horrors, how Hitler could be admired. I am older now and am watching it happen again, and this time I see how it happens. A world being groomed to remember every hate it has ever known. The Muslim terror which somehow allows the worst behaviour from Saudi Arabia without a word of protest while people in the uk fear their chip shop will be closed by Sharia law.

So yes today I feel like a snowflake melting in my own tears for the choice of hatred and division I see in progress around the world. And I hope in this time of extremity I am able to stay firmly on the side of compassion despite the best attempts of the media to lead me down the path of hate.

The tale of the towers

This is today’s ramblings on the link I have managed to forge between the destruction of the twin towers in New York and the burning of the  Grenfell  Tower in London. Let me clarify immediately that this link is entirely of my own imagination and does not in any way claim to be a truth by any description.

On the fateful day that we have to know as 9/11, I was at work in north wales where I resided at the time. A colleague who was at home that day  rang the clinic to tell us to turn on the tv immediately, and so we watched as plane hit the second tower. I had two thoughts at the time, possibly simultaneous although that isn’t the relevance. The first was, ” what the fuck has the USA done now?” And the second was the exact replication of the tarot card The Tower that was being broadcast around the world via the global media. It was as though the whole thing had been set up.

I should clarify that I am not a conspiracy theorist, but I am of a very practical nature and tend to follow the reward pattern of any action in order to understand its origin. In the case of the Twin Towers the only thing that benefitted from this occurrence was the good ol USA. For on that day the populace gave up the ability to think and swallowed whole the danger that the world has to offer. Fear took over the wheel and the USA was able to utilise this to curtail freedom of movement and impose security measures, supposedly to,protect the people but in reality to create a climate of subservient compliance in the name of protection. Everyone became the enemy, the USA became a  place needing fortification, and the people vowed their heads and said yes sir as long as you keep us safe.

Now the irony to me has always been that it was Saudi Arabians who seemed to lead the assault and yet somehow they have never been blamed . Lots of blame has been cast since then..on virtually every other middle eastern country with a population who,follow Islam. And yet Saudi, seemingly the most Muslim of Muslim states has managed to stay out of the ring of blame. 

But that is another whole rant…today it is the towers…

Soooo…with the destruction of the Twin Towers a whole new world of separatist rhetoric was launched in which we needed to rethink the way we see the world and the dangers that lie within. I call it the day when the world went into a coma like  Sleeping  Beauty when she pricked her finger, a cloud dropped over the world and the hypnotised masses believed that the stops and checks, the increased police brutality, the queues at points of travel etc etc were all to keep them safe. And yet it hasn’t kept them safe…nutters still mass murder.

But that could be another whole rant…back to the tower link..

Two weeks ago there was another tower catastrophe, this time in London, and this time supposedly an accident not an attack. There are some stark contrasts. The Twin Towers in New York were financial centres full of people in employment, not necessarily wealthy but not perceived as poor. The   Grenfell Tower was a social housing project full of people perceived to be the bottom of the ladder…immigrants, refugees, low income families, the elderly and the infirm. No one has even confirmed this or not but it certainly is the perception. And this time the horrors have been coming thick and fast…the reduction of the fire service and its impact on the event, the lack of services provided for the survivors. From the moment that this happened it has been volunteers doing everything. Collections were made, clothes donated, services offered. What has not happened has been anything concrete and useful from any registered charities or official council figures. If I use my trail of who gets the benefit, I would have to say the whole thing looks like a set up to get rid of undesireables. I would like to think that,s too strong a thought but can’t trace it through to anything else. At the least there is a governmental fast passing of the hot potato to make sure the blame doesn’t lie with them.

Each day there has been less mention of the tragedy as if it will just go away. Still no answers, still no closure, not even a list of survivors. I have seen the building sitting there like a tower of ash still stinking of burnt plastic and casting a shadow of shame and disgust on the community. But despite the best efforts of  the media and the government at all levels to distract us from this horror, I don’t think people are going to forget. I hope that out of these ashes people will wake up from the spell cast by the first tower incident and blink their eyes and see again where the enemy really lies and who is really out to look after us. It is not our reptilian overlords, but our neighbours, do not let them keep us in our bubbles of hatred, look at this example and draw your own conclusions. Did added security save those people? Could this have been avoided? Who will profit and who will pay? But most of all will it dispell the cloud of unawareness which has fogged our vision?


Well I have had so much to rant about that I stopped myself from pouring it all out in this format, but dammit someone needs to say stuff and I guess I,m as good as anyone else.

For some time I have tried to avoid being caught up in the political game. This ended when Donald Trump was elected president of the USA. I haven’t thought or felt like an american for many a long year, but this event was a bit of a wake up call. This coupled with Brexit which will immediately affect me as I live in Spain, has led to me reconnecting with the body politic. I began by trawling through the various threads and postings on social media…slightly fascinated by a president who tweets. It soon became clear that there was nothing to be found here but vitriolic name calling and a kind of pick and mix bag of truths depending on who your friends are. And so I went to the newspapers and what I thought were the preferred and trusted reports of current affairs. And lo and behold what did I find? That there is no voice of reason and that truth is a moveable feast. Now I have always known that in a kind of shamanic new agey sort of way, but this is in your face every day lies and bullshit with very little access to the facts…note I don’t say I say I know that is a subjective and abstract concept, but previously I thought facts were just that..proveable. I was wrong.

I have watched as Trump destroys any previous view that America has anything to offer the world except profit and notoriety. Even worse I have watched as the Tories have tried to emulate this as if it is a good thing. It is beyond belief that they sit and discuss turning the national health system into an American model of profit for few and trauma for many. I have seen what this system provides as both of my parents aged and died, and my dad had good insurance. It was an awful experience watching them fleece him and fight like dogs over a bone over any money to be had from his deteriorating health. 

Is this just a cull of the bottom rungs…the poor, the sickly, the old, the unwanted? It feels like it. What will happen after Brexit? I,m too old to get health insurance, especially on my state pension which has shrunk considerably over the last year and is likely to stay low for some time now. No one knows or is able to say or willing to,say what may or may not happen after Brexit. I left the uk for Spain in good faith that as a European citizen I would have rights. But now what? I,m not in a position to alter much of my life as my home dropped in value during the crisis and is unlikely to return to any previous value for a long time. If I were to try to sell I could only pay rent for a few years before running out…so a homeless old person…nice. 

And so it goes on…reasons to rant..

Meanwhile I have just been in  London and very near the Grenfell Towers when it was still smelling of burnt plastic. Two weeks on and nothing has been done. The councillors appear to have washed their hands of it and the survivors are still waiting for someone to take control. But something has happened which is wonderful to behold…people are nicer than ever to,each other. The council may have ignored the survivors but the neighbours and other good folks of London of any colour or religion have stepped up as fellow humans. We need big signs everywhere telling people that they are nicer than the media tells them they are. For sure there are bitter, frustrated people who seek someone to blame, following the lead of our supposedly respected leaders who for the most part do nothing but point fingers at others. The whole of Trump,s presidency has been about blaming someone, preferably Obama for anything and everything. Now echoed in the uk where apparently Mrs May needed to buy favour with Irish paramilitary extremists to save the masses from the evil Corbyn. Great example for our young people…it’s not what you say or do but how much you can get away with blaming someone else. Compassion is vilified and greed is glorified.

That might be enough for today…and I haven’t even started on the wanton killing of black people in The USA. Now I have opened the floodgate I may find it hard to close it.


23 skidoo

Well it seems that my best laid plans to reactivate my blog in December were a resounding failure.

i could blame it on Donald the King of the USA or even the insecurity raised by Brexit, but really I just didn’t do it.

it is true to say that my brain feels slightly as if it has been fiddled with…all this false news and confusion reigning is hard to absorb. Seems like nothing is very solid anymore…not that this is entirely a bad thing. Never have been much food at believing anything. So in this vein I turned to the comfort of Robert Anton Wilson to remind me of how to look at the nonsense passing as news and politics today. In the process of reeducation I was pointed in the direction of the Cosmic Trigger play, written and produced by Daisy Eris Campbell and showing right now in London. It was a sign and I took it as such…buying my ticket and travelling to London from Spain for the occasion. When my seat on the plane came up 23 I knew it was the right move.

something happened in the process…I found the others and left the theatre feeling as if I had found myself as well. Nice little follow up link to KLF when l got to my sons house and heard my three year old grandson singing, “they’re justified and they’re ancient.”…love my family.

so here I am ready to rant…wtf has happened…when I was young I thought the world would improve. I thought racism would end, poverty would be tackled, that no one would be hungry and love would rain down upon the world creating peace for all humankind. Granted I took a lot of acid. But still, the ideas were good. Instead we have more racism than ever, corruption and collusion on a scale that hurts the head. And paradoxical everything…everyone hates Muslims but loves Saudis. Immigrants are the new gangstas and women are back to being barbie dolls. And the most mystifying movement is the move in Britain to emulate the health service of the USA which in all ways is the worst healthcare in the world..?????????? Why…I feel like a three year old wandering around saying why why??

that may be enough for today but hopefully I shall use this platform to display my thought on all of this…

Resurrect and reprise

It seems I have let this blog go into hibernation. It is time for the resurrection. Many things have happened , all of some interest, and all unreported. I will try to rectify this over the next period of time.

the most influential event has been the fact that I have turned 70. Seems to put a new perspective on many things. I will reprise the last period

of time but for now I am just announcing that I am back.



Well the girls went to Marrakesh–for two of us it was a return trip after 40 years–and not much has changed–the j’emallfnah is paved and the roofs all have sattelite dishes but really the rest looks pretty much the same. We wandered through alleys dodging donkeys and scooters searching out the workshops where all the goodies are made–brass ware, woodwork, tassels of silk, scarves of every colour, slippers of every size. Each corner turned up more delights–as one man said it”brightened our eyes”.We ate woderful tajines of fruit and meat and honeyed cakes with our mint tea. The girls in the hammam of 1000 nights scrubbed us cleaner than we’ve ever been while singing in the steam. The hotel was draped with beautiful colours and the obligatory cat withon the sound of the muzzein calling out in the early morning. And then there was the pigeon man–by far and away my favourite thing. The mystery of it all–all day every day a man say with nagilahs (water pipes) and tea surrounded by pigeons. At night they began to drum and dance themselves into a trance (and me too). I never did find out exactly what it is all about but it was sufi magic of some sort, probably healing too. Morrocan shamanism–right up my street!!Image